Apocalypse and Astrology: When the Stars Spell Doom
For as long as humans have gazed skyward, we've tried reading our fate in planetary movements. Some of those readings? A bit darker than your average horoscope.
There's something irresistible about an end-of-the-world prediction, isn't there? The sheer audacity of claiming you know exactly when civilisation will crumble, based on Jupiter's position relative to Saturn, takes nerve. Throughout history, astrologers and astronomers alike have peered at planetary alignments and declared, with absolute certainty, that this time the cosmos means business.
Spoiler alert: they've all been wrong.
When Planets Played Prophet
The marriage between astrology and apocalypse isn't new. From its earliest days in Babylonian times, astrology was employed not for personal readings about love and career, but for predicting the fate of entire kingdoms. When would the harvest fail? When would enemies strike? And occasionally—when would everything just end?
In 1524, respected mathematician and astrologer Johannes Stöffler calculated that a great flood would cover the world on 25 February. His reasoning? All the known planets would align under Pisces—the water sign. Hundreds of pamphlets warned of the coming deluge. Count von Iggleheim, a German nobleman, even built a three-storey ark. The date arrived with light rain. That's it.
The panic, though, was very real. Londoners fled to higher ground. Some abandoned their homes entirely.
The Great Alignment of 1186
When the five known planets aligned in 1186, a wave of terror swept across Europe. Surely such a rare celestial gathering meant something catastrophic? The year came and went. Europe remained standing.
Yet the fear itself tells us something important. These weren't merely superstitious peasants running scared—educated people, scholars, courtiers all took these predictions seriously. The heavens, they believed, had a direct say in earthly affairs. Planetary alignments were cosmic announcements, and who were humans to ignore such messages?
The Modern Doomsayers
Jump forward a few centuries and you'd think we'd have learnt something. Not quite.
In 1919, Albert F. Porta—identified variously as a "noted sunspot scientist," meteorologist, or astronomer, depending which newspaper you read—predicted the world would end on 17 December at precisely 8:31 AM. His theory involved a planetary alignment creating dangerous sunspots. Porta had previously blamed Jupiter for the 1918 flu pandemic, so he had form for dramatic planetary accusations.
At least one person died by suicide the day before Porta's predicted apocalypse. The world, predictably, continued.
"We're still here," read one Iowa newspaper headline on 18 December, with admirable understatement.
The Jupiter Effect—When Scientists Got It Wrong
Even proper scientists aren't immune to apocalyptic thinking. In 1974, John Gribbin and Stephen Plagemann published The Jupiter Effect, predicting that a planetary alignment on 10 March 1982 would trigger catastrophic earthquakes, particularly along the San Andreas Fault. The book became a bestseller.
By February 1982, Gribbin was already backtracking, telling the New York Times his predictions hadn't materialised. Their follow-up book, The Jupiter Effect Reconsidered, tried claiming the effect had actually occurred in 1980 and caused Mount St. Helens to erupt. Gribbin later admitted he was sorry he'd ever been involved with the theory.
2012: The Apocalypse That Broke the Internet
Then came 2012. If you were online in the early 2010s, you couldn't escape it.
The theory centred on the Maya Long Count calendar, which completed a cycle on 21 December 2012. Never mind that actual Maya scholars repeatedly explained the calendar simply rolled over to a new cycle—like an odometer—the internet had decided this was it. The Big One.
Astrological interpretations added fuel to the fire. New Age proponents claimed a "galactic alignment" would occur, with the Sun aligning with the galactic centre. This, they insisted, would trigger either mass destruction or spiritual transformation, depending on whom you asked.
NASA's public outreach website received over 5,000 questions about the 2012 apocalypse, some asking whether they should kill themselves or their pets beforehand. An Ipsos poll found that 8% of people in 21 countries had experienced fear or anxiety about the world ending that December.
American reality TV stars Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt spent most of their $10 million fortune by 2010 because they genuinely believed the world would end in 2012.
It didn't, of course.
Why We Keep Predicting the End
Here's the uncomfortable truth: apocalyptic thinking thrives during unstable times. Porta made his predictions during the 1918 pandemic and aftermath of World War I. The 2012 phenomenon gained traction during economic uncertainty. Research suggests that when society becomes more disruptive, we're more vulnerable to conspiracy theories and doomsday predictions.
Astrology provides something comforting in uncertain times: a sense that someone understands what's happening, that there's a pattern to the chaos. If the planets can tell us when disaster strikes, perhaps we can prepare, or at least make sense of our anxiety.
The millennial world-view hasn't left us. Belief in apocalyptic events remains surprisingly common. A 2012 opinion poll found that over 14% of people across 20 countries believed the world would end in their lifetime, with figures as high as 22% in the United States and Turkey.
The Astrological Perspective
For those who believe in astrology—and at Wilfred Hazelwood, we respect that many people find genuine meaning in astrological insights—planetary alignments do carry significance. They're seen as periods of heightened energy, transformation, and collective change.
But here's the key difference: modern astrological practice has largely moved away from doom-laden predictions. Instead, astrologers tend to speak of alignments as opportunities for growth, moments when certain energies become available for personal or collective evolution.
The catastrophic interpretations of the past often stemmed from mixing religious eschatology with astrological observation. When you believe the world must end according to scripture, it's tempting to scan the heavens for confirmation.
Alignments Happen Regularly
Another crucial point: planetary alignments aren't actually that rare. As NASA points out, even if all the planets aligned perfectly, their combined gravitational effect on Earth would raise ocean tides by just one twenty-fifth of one millimetre. That's it.
The Sun passes through Virgo every September. The Moon cycles through the entire zodiac monthly. Multi-planet alignments occurred in both 2000 and 2010 with no ill effects.
When five planets aligned in March 2023, astrologers predicted "fiery disagreements" with loved ones. Not exactly world-ending stuff.
The Pattern Continues
Failed predictions don't stop new ones emerging. Harold Camping, a radio preacher, predicted the rapture for 1994, then 2011, then revised it to later in 2011. William Miller predicted the world would end in 1843, then 1844, and died five years later still convinced the end was imminent.
There are already predictions set for 2060 (courtesy of Isaac Newton's private calculations, no less), plus various dates in 2020, 2040, and 2080. The zeros seem to have appeal.
What's remarkable isn't that these predictions fail—it's that each failure barely dents our appetite for the next one.
Reading the Signs Differently
Perhaps the real apocalypse isn't written in the stars at all. Or rather, perhaps we've been reading the message wrong.
When ancient astrologers looked at planetary movements, they were trying to understand patterns, to find order in chaos. That impulse isn't foolish—it's fundamentally human. We still do it today, just with different tools.
The difference is that modern astrology, at its best, offers frameworks for self-reflection rather than concrete predictions of doom. Planetary transits might indicate challenging periods, times of tension or transformation, but they're not countdown timers to oblivion.
If 2012 taught us anything, it's that predicting the apocalypse is a mug's game. The Maya weren't predicting the end of the world—they were just marking time. The "alignment" that supposedly triggered everything? It had already happened in 1998, and frankly, Britney Spears releasing "...Baby One More Time" was hardly the apocalypse (though some might argue otherwise).
The Next Scare
Someone, somewhere, is already calculating the next great alignment, the next planetary configuration that supposedly spells doom. They'll write books, create YouTube videos, and convince at least some people to take precautions against a disaster that won't arrive.
And here's the thing: we'll probably pay attention. Because despite centuries of failed predictions, there's something in human nature that wants to believe we might witness The Big Event, that our time on Earth coincides with something cosmically significant.
The stars will continue their ancient dance, indifferent to our interpretations. Planets will align, as they've done for billions of years before humans existed and will continue doing long after we're gone.
The apocalypse, it seems, is always just around the corner—and perpetually failing to show up.
Which is probably for the best, really. We've got enough to worry about without adding wayward planets to the list.
